so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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