uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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