none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
