I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
