Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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