Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
