he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
