I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
