then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
