there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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