So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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