and she was petting her beer can
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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