Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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