he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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