You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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