i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
