i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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