pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
