the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
