is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
