for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i came on her dog
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
