This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
