walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
