I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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