The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
