meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
