If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
