This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
