Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
