I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm too high and old for this...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
