we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
