Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
