so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
