1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
