And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
