Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
