walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
