1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
