we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
