Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
