Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
