What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
