Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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