You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
