so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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