Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
