I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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