i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I could make wine with my vomit
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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