Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
