i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
