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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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