I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Everything about him screamed your future.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
