My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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