I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
