smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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