I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
