Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
